Greetings, comrades! We welcome you to DonaldTrumpDogPoopBags.com! We could impress you with paragraph after paragraph of insults and snide remarks about the Cheeto-In-Chief, but his tissue-paper thin skin, and his flaccid cornucopia of personal and professional flaws make for easy/lazy writing. Oh who am I kidding, that's like 80% of why you're here.
Let's get down to business. Unlike our Glorious Leader, the word "dog" is not a sexist insult waiting to be fired via Tweet from the White House toilet. To you, a dog is a loyal friend that is always excited to see your face. To you, a dog is a companion that returns your affection ten-fold. To you, a dog is that buddy who will spend their golden years at the foot of your bed, sighing contentedly because being close to you is all it needs to be happy. We understand.
Unlike the most /r/ImpeachableFace in our great nation, you understand that no matter how much you love your pooch, they may leave warm little heaps in public places. Hey, shit happens. We've all been there after an inconsiderate pet owner doesn't pick up after their charge. Who doesn't have an embarrassing story about how they were standing at the alter and discovered the beautiful train was dragged through some poor dog's mud pies, and it's now a stinky brown mess? I sure do, and it wasn't even my wedding!
That's where Donald Trump Dog Poop Bags come in. Our high-quality, biodegradable dog poop bags come with Donald Trump's mug printed smugly on the side. Have yourself a hearty chortle as you show 3 ways you aren't Donald J. Trump with our dog poop bags.
- Take that little buddy for a belly-rub-filled walk.
- Pick up after the most loyal friend you'll ever have.
- Use biodegradable bags that won't choke a sea turtle without a safe word.
Buy some poop bags today, and help us Make Picking Up Poop Great Again. MPUPGA! We don't make good acronyms, but we make great poop bags.